On 3/5/20 @ 12:45PM I wrote:
“I was starting to focus so much on the light, that I was beginning to have an estranged relationship with the darkness. Today I faced the darkness, and eventually, I was settled. I found myself in stillness met with complete silence. It was then that it was brought to my attention that sometimes the light has to dim for you to see clearly!
A while ago, I was coming across several social media posts, individuals and readings that shed light on the dangers of always looking to the light. The unfortunate process associated with only speaking of your growth, always presenting positive and so on... It rubbed me the wrong way. I sat with this for weeks, but i knew enough to know that I had this association for a reason and needed to look closer. I would disconnect from anyone and anything that "challenged" me to look closer, beyond the surface, behind the light or in the shadows.
Today, I couldn't hide or only focus on the light any longer. I was forced to see myself, explore my thoughts which led me beyond the surface... It led me to a place I was trying to bury.
In this moment, I am truly grateful for the pain, the resistance, the lingering effects, as it has made the unveiling of what was beneath the surface and in the shadows that much greater!
THANK YOU God, life and all the angels that surround me... Watching over me, protecting me, leading me and guiding me everyday!
With a heart of gratitude, THANK YOU!”
The journal entry above was written shortly after my last bodywork session on 3/5/20. That moment of realization was pivotal in my transformation that has brought healing to assist during this time of shelter. There continues to be moments that lead to non-preferred feelings and emotions. But they don't last as long and are not as frequent as before. Some moments feel the most difficult. Most moments feel (bearable) content because of growth. I feel guilty for really good days. Lonely during the non-preferred days. Grateful for the days I understand.
Light.
Dark.
Open.
Close.
Hidden.
Revealed.
Perspective.
One day at a time.
~ Shawnte Forrer